Monday, April 21, 2008
I usually take 3 to 4 classes at a time and I open my favorite classes first and Mystical Christianity is always my first lesson to open and read each week. Last year I became interested in the imbalance of the white man's female and male inner emotions as seen by the red man, the American Indians and the effect it had had upon society as a whole. In their tradition there is a legend that the red man will help the white man reclaim himself with balance and save mankind from destruction. As I began to read on this subject I learned that many faiths point to this same turning point and most give a date around 2012. Thus, this class was of great interest to me in learning more about the subject, since of my own dreams were pointing in this direction, as well. I was surprised to learn that details in my dream journals were much like the lectures, books, classes and spiritual teachings of these ancient people from all around the world.
At the same time I was going through great emotional problems in the death of my beloved husband and many health problems that forced me to give up a job I dearly loved and was very good at in counseling children. At first, I could not believe so much misfortune was coming my way all at once, for I felt God had called me to work with children and now I did not have the health to do so. Between the angel that kept appearing in my dreams and this class I have come to accept that I am where I am supposed to be and not to worry about it. Each time a large sum of money was needed for a bill that I owed, I have surrender it to the universe and just before it was due the money showed up from some unexpected source, but also just before it did I would have this inner voice telling me the money was coming.
I am no longer upset over having to give up my joy either. I am seeing the whole so called problem with new vision. Having the health problems that kept me from working on a public job has allowed me much free time at home, writing, painting, reading and enriching my spiritual life in a very personal way. Even thought I felt my calling was to help others it seemed the angels on high needed me right where I was, bound at home so they could help me grow in my spiritual faith of appreciation for simple things of joy. I have learned the art of living in the "Now," not in the past or the future, but finding beauty in my garden, the sound of the rain or birds outside my window, and while I having been living with less in some ways, it seemed to be I had more joy than in all my life before. Also, my grief lifted about my late husband. An angel in a dream came and told me all I grieved for in my loss of him was nothing more or less than the way he allowed God to show through him and that was in me as well by just honoring my highest self. This course has helped listen to these angels in my dreams and to let go of my fears.
Even before my late husband's death an angel appeared telling me I was going to be very unhappy that my husband would be departing but that I was not to give up on life, and wish to go with him for my best and most useful days ahead were yet to come. After my husband’s death he came in my dreams telling me a time was coming soon that I would teach what he taught and showed me for the world needed what I had to share. What he showed me with his example of serene peace was there was no room in this world for guilt, shame, and fear but only non-judgment, forgiveness and unconditional love.
I have no idea the direction my life is to take, the present is still full of physical pain and if I was the same person I was before I took this class I would be living in much fear and depression, but somehow each little weekly lesson has moved me closer to trusting the dreams, and inner voice that comes and promises me I will walk again without pain and teach and guide in a way even more productive in the past. I have an inner peace even in the middle of the storm for I find beauty and love in each moment in some small way and know the energy I honor will come back to me. I no longer ask, "Why me Lord?" I asked, "Now, Lord how can I grow stronger and learn from this?" And yes, I am learning, growing and living in love and peace even in the middle of the storm of life and perhaps soon I will be up and about teaching others to do the same.
By Rev. Linda Francis